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My Apologies

from Naked Day Alone by Emily Zisman

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This is an apology to my own damn self for ignoring my "Better Judgment." My "Better Judgment" is loosely based on my closest friend from college who never let me get away with shit.

lyrics

Where does my conscience go when she’s needed the most?
I think she trusts me enough now to leave me, to vacation
On the California coast.
Meanwhile I was taken with that thing behind your eyes
And I lost track of myself somewhere trying to get you on my side

And I brace myself for her return with the covers pulled snug around my head.
As you lay next to me breathing quite some distance away in my twin bed.
And I heard the commotion as she came clamoring back, with sand on her hands screaming
“Not this way, NO! Not this way NO. You had to go and fuck it up again.”
Again
Again
Again

I think She’s lonely, my conscience.
She just wants someone to listen.
At least, that’s what She said last.
She doesn’t speak to me anymore.
She says I ignore her, She says I make fun,
She says it’s impossible to hold on to anyone.
She says that my mind is her favorite place to be,
Because the rest of my body is given away so freely.

So I’ll let you go ahead and do whatever it is that you do best
Which is ignore the fact that we made it, and tell me I’m the mess.
But the truth is that you know me, and you’d still just let me stand
And now that thing behind your eyes is gone and I see you’re just a man.

Now I must find her, My Conscience, and try to give her my apologies.
With a squint of her eyes and a purse of her lips, She’ll say
“Well, of course I’ll forgive you, you shit.”

I think She is somewhere hidden up in my hair, yes
She knows it’s so hard for me to find her in there.
But I promise I’ll find her and I’ll make amends
And probably fuck it all up in the end again.
Again
Again
Again
Again
Again.

credits

from Naked Day Alone, released June 1, 2009

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Emily Zisman San Francisco

Emily Zisman is a talented singer songwriter born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. Since picking up the guitar at the tender age of eight Emily’s musical journey has taken her all over the world. She has graced the stages up and down both sides of the United States and has performed internationally at festivals in Europe. ... more

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